I have always been unsure of myself, in every single aspect of my life. The quote “You are your own worst critic” has been evident throughout my entire life, including now. Lately, I feel as though I have to one up and challenge myself in order to be a better person and artist; at times, I forget to forgive myself, when I don’t meet my very own expectations; which in turn, can cause you to damage your own self-worth. I masked it with the ‘shy confidence’ and would go on about my day posting my work praying no one would see the same failure in it like I did.
Putting your work out for the world to criticize and judge gives you a new sense of vulnerability; especially when you can’t even see the good in your own work; you want others to like and appreciate your work, but even more than that, you want to remain true to yourself as an artist, yet the problem is, as an artist, we tend to set unrealistic expectations for ourselves and let the minor details ruin an entire image. How then I ask, can we expect others to like our work and we don’t even like it ourselves? Even now I ponder is someone reading this and laughing and saying she has have no reason to be insecure, when I think I have every reason to be insecure. The truth is we ALL are insecure about something! So, whether you are starting a new job, a family, moving to a new town, or branching out and doing something on your own for the first time, no one is 110% confident while making life changing decisions.
Recently, I decided I don’t want to see myself this way any longer nor is this how I want to live my life. So I began to focus on building a stronger relationship with God, I asked Him to help me to forgive myself and to show me how to see myself in way He and my loved ones see me. I can’t say that I am there yet but, He is assisting me in break up with my insecurities and embracing my mistakes. After all, I am only human.
*This session I did with my wonderful friend Marleny is a reflection of my inner turmoil. Surrounded by beauty, creativity and warmth yet, still completely unsure of myself I find myself, reaching for something more, finding my place in God it’s within Him I find real joy, love, confidence and understanding.
Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”